You Can Trust Me
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: Penelope sees that Hotch is slowly falling apart, being tormented by his inner demons. Trying to help him, will he open up or will he push her away and allow himself to fall?


_'The spirit becomes free only when it ceases to be a support.'_  
_Franz Kafka_

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Penelope took off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes, hoping that this would relieve some of the tiredness she felt residing in her blue orbs. Blinking, she popped the frames back on, squinting slightly as the room came into focus, the glare of all her computers (or as she liked to call them 'babies') sending a jolt through her weary nerves. Pressing a few buttons she watched them go to sleep, mentally wishing them pleasant dreams before standing up, her stiff muscles protesting at the sudden movement. Grabbing her bag she also picked up a few files, hoping to leave them on Hotch's desk for him to get the following morning.

Making her way through the bullpen she smiled as she glanced at everyone's desks. Spencer had forgotten to take him coffee mug back, and picking it up she did it for him, all the while marvelling at how the young doctor still had all his original teeth drinking the sugared concoction. Rinsing it, she placed it back in the cupboard, glad she could do even this small act for the troubled genius. As strange as it sounded to others it was perfectly natural to her that she considered them her children in an incredibly dysfunctional family. Derek was the older brother, the one that taught Spencer everything from how to pull girls to sports. Emily was the older sister, the one that tried to be the voice of reason and keep Derek from teasing Spencer before giving in and joining herself. JJ was like the younger sister but also in many ways the aunty that played with them, giving them cases to sink their teeth into and keep them 'amused' for a little while. Rossi was the granddad who watched them all, not interfering in the lives of the young. Then that just left Hotch. The Boss man was the father that kept everyone in line but allowed leniency when he himself got none. Every mistake he forgave, within reason, but as soon as he made one he would torment himself, listening to none of the advice he gave the others when they themselves had done something similar. Sighing, Penelope looked up to his office, seeing the light was on, and that there was a silhouette of a man who looked hard at work even when he had been off the clock for hours.

Making her way up to his office, she knocked and, hearing the familiar "Come in" entered the room. She had guessed right, files papered his desk, some of the contents spilling out and mingling with others. A small space had been cleared in the middle of his desk to give him room to write, like the eye of the hurricane, the calm in the middle of the storm.

"Garcia, I thought you had left hours ago," Hotch looked surprised, his eyes widening a little as he took in her colourful form before hastily schooling his features.

"Nope," she replied cheerfully, all the while taking in the sight of her boss, his shoulder were tense and a look of utter exhaustion lay beneath the poorly constructed mask. She had never really seen him like this before, and a sense of anger coiled in her stomach as she realised one of her babies had been hurting under her watch.

"What do you need?" asked Hotch, his eyes returning to his paperwork as he waited for a response.

"I thought I would hand these in now," she answered, indicating the reports.

"Thank you, I'll get to them in a minute," replied Hotch, he probably never noticed the weariness lacing his words.

"No you won't," said Penelope, once again berating herself for being so blind.

"Excuse me?" his eyes flicked up to her, a frown forming on his features.

"They can wait, so can this. You need to relax, if you keep going like this you'll burn out," the words came out more passionately than she intended as her motherly instincts took over.

"I'm fine," came the stoic reply.

"No you're not," she approached him, standing behind him and placing her jewel encrusted hands on his shoulders. She felt him jerk in response and try to pull away, "Don't, please just for once relax."

"Garcia," his voice had a hard edge to it but underneath she could detect the desperation that he would never admit was there. Uncaring she began to knead his shoulders, feeling the tense muscles co-operate unwillingly underneath her relentless fingers. He shuddered slightly and she could picture the battle going on inside his mind: whether to let go and enjoy it or resist and stay firm. There was no way in hell she was going to let him pick the latter. Applying a little more pressure she began to go down his spine, feeling the knots that had accumulated there over time.

"Garcia," the steel was still there but was steadily getting weaker as his body betrayed him.

"Just relax sir and it will be over quicker," she whispered in his ear. Steadily she felt him relax more as he realised that she was right and there was no way to get out of this. When she reached a particularly tense spot he groaned a little, his head lolling back as she slowly relieved the tension. Feeling him slump back a little she smiled, stepping away from the man that had looked after them all these years. Taking a seat in front of his desk, she saw, for the first time, that he looked at peace. All the worry his features usually retained had evaporated and she could see the young man that had first entered the BAU.

"Thank you," he murmured, his eyes snapping open but his mask still lying discarded in the floor. Shattered for the moment.

"No problemlo mon capitan, I just have one question," said Penelope, twirling a blonde strand between her fingers.

"What is it?" he asked, she was surprised that he would acquiesce this easily but then she realised, he felt like he owed her for helping him.

"Don't feel like you have to answer this and I won't be offended if you don't," she started, unsure of how to ask this even though she was burning with curiosity.

"But..." Hotch prompted gently.

"But why do you do this? Work yourself to exhaustion I mean," she elaborated. He sighed, the sound abnormally loud for the otherwise silent office.

"I... I have trouble sleeping and this is the only thing that helps," he said finally, his eyes trained on the cluttered desk before him, the serious expression in stark contrast to his relaxed demeanour.

"You can trust me," pressed Penelope, her heart clenching at the thought of what her boss was going through.

"...Everytime I close my eyes I see her, Hailey, and working like this is the only way for me to sleep, the only way to stop my mind and give me peace. However tonight I don't think I'll have that problem," he smiled slightly.

"I'm glad I could help, and please next time don't try and hide it... we... the team... I can help you. You don't have to go through this alone," said Penelope quietly, "Come on now, you need to get some rest" she added, standing up and piling up the files, "These can wait for tomorrow."

"Thank you... Penelope" said Hotch quietly, as he turned out the lights.

They walked to the car park in comfortable silence and Penelope smiled. Sometimes, just sometimes, leaders need help too and she would be having a word with the team about this. She wouldn't divulge the details, he had placed trust in her and she would never betray it. No, she would talk to them, get them to appreciate their fearless leader more. Family was family and they should all support each other after all.

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**A/N: I've never really tried writing anything remotely like this before and had reservations about posting this. I hope they are in character, if there are any gaping errors please message me. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes present in this story.**

**Please review!**


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